Leadership and Self-Deception

Executive summary

The book is a leadership fable that explores how self-deception distorts how we see ourselves and others, weakening relationships, leadership, and organizational success. Through the experiences of its main characters and the story of a 19th-century doctor whose failure to recognize his role in causing harm led to tragic outcomes, the book shows that self-deception starts with self-betrayal, failing to act on one’s sense of responsibility toward others, and is sustained through self-justification, blame, and distorted thinking. As the story progresses, it illustrates how ongoing self-deception affects individuals and organizations by creating conflict, defensiveness, and "collusion," where groups unknowingly reinforce unhealthy behaviors. Ultimately, the book asserts that effective leadership relies on adopting an outward mindset that recognizes the humanity, needs, and value of others, fostering trust, collaboration, and lasting organizational success.

The content

Twenty-seven chapters are divided into three sections, with additional resources at the end for readers, including links to group guides, summaries of key concepts in certain chapters, and discussions of relevant research on self-deception in organizations. In the book’s Preface, readers learn that others matter as much as we, ourselves, matter, and that the recurring challenges we face in our relationships and organizations result from, or are worsened by, our failure to see ourselves and others clearly as people. The book emphasizes learning to understand, recognize, and reduce self-deception. It aims to teach how to see both other people and ourselves clearly.

Chapters one through three introduce the reader to the main characters in the book: an executive leader with extensive experience in self-deception and two other characters who work together, although confrontationally and passively-aggressively, in the lead-up to the story, to learn and grow. Chapter four begins to explore the true responsibilities of a leader and is filled with dialogue that guides the characters toward understanding core leadership duties.

In chapter five, the story’s main character, Theo, shares a story about an Austrian medical doctor from the 1800s who was the director of a maternity ward in a research hospital. The ward’s maternal death rate was very high, and the doctor tried everything he could to reduce the number of deaths after childbirth. Obsessed with solving the problem, he visits another maternity ward somewhere in Europe to learn what “good” looks like. When he returns, he finds that the mortality rate in his ward improved while he was away. 

Clues lead him to realize that his work as a researcher on cadavers is causing postpartum deaths among the mothers he cares for, as his work exposes him to dangerous particles that can be carried into the maternity ward and spread to his patients. Disheartened to discover that he was the root cause of death in the maternity ward due to unsafe practices, he begins a strict hand-washing routine. He then shares his findings with the wider medical community, only to be ignored and shunned. The story aims to remind readers that failing to see clearly can lead to unintended consequences for those we try to help. In essence, misperceiving the problems we face could have disastrous results.

Chapter six explores the concept of self-deception more deeply and explains its real meaning: a disease or illness that affects one's perception. More specifically, instead of seeing others as individuals with hopes and needs, they are viewed as obstacles or opportunities, or simply not seen at all. As a result, people only matter to the extent of their impact on oneself.

Chapter Seven examines the main cause of self-deception: self-betrayal, which is the decision not to honor one’s own sense of how they should respond to others' humanity. Chapter Eight explains how self-betrayal happens through a step-by-step process involving sense and choice. In other words, having an instinct about a situation and then making a choice that needs justification, especially when that justification is wrong, leads to self-deception. Chapter Nine wraps up Part I by highlighting that self-deception can ultimately be traced back to a single act of self-betrayal.

In Part II’s 'The Lies that Blind Us,' the story begins to show how ongoing self-deception can create a state where no specific act of self-betrayal is necessary to maintain it. Persistent self-deception leads to personal and professional sabotage, as the desire for self-justification can distort perceptions of oneself and others, causing situations where the truth becomes unclear. Using the medical doctor example again, the wider medical community rejected him because accepting his findings would have meant admitting that they themselves were incompetent as medical leaders. When someone focuses more on appearances than reality, that kind of chronic self-deception is at the core of most relationship problems and leadership failures. The only way to escape chronic self-deception, which involves seeing ourselves as better or worse than others, is to focus on the humanity of others. In the final chapter of Part II, readers of the story are reminded that the condition of self-deception, described as a systematic distortion of perception in one’s own favor, is problematic because of its inward focus, and the most common indicator of such is blame and excuses.

In the final section of the book, the fable shifts to a forward-looking perspective to highlight its main points and demonstrate the systemic benefits of managing self-deception effectively. The main takeaway for the characters is that how a leader perceives others is the most crucial action they can take or say, as their success depends on the leader’s ability to determine whether their behavior is inward (self-focused) or, ideally, outward, with concern for others. More importantly, people and teams can become aware of how they are perceived by their leader. The fable also emphasizes the dangers of organizational self-deception, where two or more individuals unknowingly collaborate to sustain conflict. The fable calls this “collusion.” It further explains that overcoming self-deception is challenging without the ability and skill to see clearly, which involves being curious about those around you and respecting them. The book ends with the characters discovering that adopting an outward mindset, caring about others and avoiding seeing oneself as better or worse than others, is the key to unlimited team success. Lastly, the outward mindset must be demonstrated so the organization can learn and adopt this behavior too.

Ten insightful quotes from the book

1. On conflict: “When we’re in conflict, we often see each other in negative ways that are mutually reinforcing.”

2. On teamwork: “When teams can’t figure out how to work together, companies die.”

3. On root-cause: “If we can’t see the real problem, we can’t solve it.”

4. On perception: “Self-deception is a disease, a sickness that targets our perception.”

5. On intent: “How we accomplish our work can matter as much as what we accomplish.”

6. On self-deception: “If self-deception is the disease, then self-betrayal is the germ that causes it.”

7. On cause and effect: “A germ doesn’t seem like much until it compromises the immune system.”

8. On authenticity: “How we see others matters as much as what we do.”

9. On self-justification: “Someone else’s poor behavior doesn’t justify your own.”

10. On obligation: “Leaders have an obligation to help others improve.”

The wrap-up: why you should read Leadership and Self-Deception

I usually don’t write reviews for organizations; I prefer to highlight the work of an author or a group of authors, and here’s why: organizations often give little credit to the creativity behind the work. In this case, not much is known about who actually wrote the book, making it difficult to recognize the effort involved. But here’s the thing: the text itself is what prompted me to write the review, and from a learning and development perspective, who wrote it and how much effort was involved becomes less important. This book is excellent, and that’s the main point.

Self-deception, especially the ongoing act of justifying actions that aren't truly justified, is a common problem. It appears across all industries, sectors, and roles. And it’s not just limited to work; it’s a significant part of life itself. That’s where this book really stands out. It demonstrates how easy it is to fall into our own negativities, both as leaders and, more importantly, as humans. When we deceive ourselves into thinking in certain ways, we harm ourselves internally and also hinder the success of those around us. This book isn’t a step-by-step guide; it won’t tell you exactly how to solve these issues. Instead, it’s a fable, which makes it so unique. Because of that, it will bring these issues to the forefront of your mind.

Fables are an engaging way to deliver a message, and although I don’t usually choose to read them, I always end up enjoying them. This is because they include a storyline that everyone, including myself, can relate to. In the case of Leadership and Self-Deception, the storyline is crafted to connect with nearly anyone who interacts with people. Even if you don’t, you’ll still find the story resonates. In fact, if you’re in a role that depends on others, and you probably are if you follow my work, you’ll read the book imagining yourself within it. You might start reflecting on past interactions, and you may even take a moment to consider if you need to make some calls, too. 

I came across this book at a conference in January of this year. It wasn't a corporate event, but a military one, filled with uniformed service members. Some may not like what I’m about to write, but I’ll write it anyway: no corporate or private organization emphasizes leadership development more than the U.S. military. I would know; I’ve been at high levels in both. And I’ve studied military leadership at a high academic level, too. I’ve seen good and bad in both sectors. But here’s the thing: there will always be good and bad, no matter where you go. And there will always be those who try to argue for self-justification, regardless of who employs them. And that’s the self-deception this book was written to address.

The military understands what good, especially exceptional, leadership looks like. The part of the military that bought this book in large quantities and distributed it intentionally exemplifies the idea that, in every situation, we can improve. That is the first step in the leadership development process: a willingness to learn. Picking up the book, reading it, and reflecting on its content are steps two through four. The final step is to act on what you learn, and I encourage those who read it to do so. This book is about staying open to the humanity around us. Doing so could have a lifelong positive impact on your ability to make a meaningful difference for yourself, your team, and your organization. 

About the book’s author

The Arbinger Institute is the innovator of leadership and professional development that empowers leaders to transform their organization’s culture to achieve lasting business results. With its unique focus on changing mindsets in order to change behavior, Arbinger’s research-backed process gets to the core of cultural transformation to drive sustainable change. By bringing humanity to the workplace, Arbinger improves employee engagement and retention, inspires team collaboration and inclusivity, and the bottom line. For more information, visit https://arbinger.com.

Follow the Arbinger Institute on LinkedIn

Book details

Leadership and Self-Deception
Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers (August 27, 2024)
ISBN-13: ‎ 978-1523006564

FOUND THIS POST USEFUL? PLEASE SUPPORT MY WORK.

As a leader and educator, I enjoy learning, sharing, reading, and writing, which are some of my passions. Besides my love for writing, I also write to share leadership lessons. Therefore, with every book I read and summarize, I consider how its content can be applied to teams and organizations, seeking impactful insights and quotes while identifying the right audience. I actively look for opportunities to apply what I've learned from each book and share that knowledge to improve myself, my teams, colleagues, peers, and anyone else working toward personal and professional growth with me.

While I often personally know the authors or have built relationships with them after reviewing, nothing about this process is sponsored or previewed. As a book reviewer, I am not paid to write reviews and am not influenced in how I create them. The process involves hours of reading and reflection, making it a significant effort, so I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to like my content and subscribe to follow it.

Lastly, this review contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links at no extra cost to you.

With that, thanks for reading!

Follow Dr. Jason Motes on LinkedIn
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter, The Leadership Tea
Visit my website